My partner won’t come to therapy. Can I still get help for my relationship?
Absolutely. You can change a relationship even if only one partner is actively working on it. We can work together in therapy to assess the relationship and strategically modify “your half of the relationship.” Partners who do this invariably find that the relationship changes… sometimes enough to make the relationship “good enough”. Our brains are social organs, and they pick up changes in the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of our partners. I can help you key in on the kinds of behaviors and attitudes that can influence your partner for your mutual benefit.
One of us had an affair. Is our relationship hopeless?
There is no “right way” to respond to an affair. Affairs impact people variously based on their values, past experiences, and personal tolerances. In those couples that wish to repair the injury caused by an affair, healing is possible. Some couples enter therapy knowing they are committed to overcoming the affair. Others enter therapy as part of a “discernment process” to decide whether they are willing to repair the relationship.
I think our relationship might be past repairing. What’s the point of therapy if one of us is leaning toward a divorce or break-up?
Some couples find themselves in a situation where one partner is already “leaning out” of the relationship and seriously contemplating a break-up or divorce. In such cases, I can tailor your sessions as a discernment process wherein each partner can clarify for themselves whether they value the relationship enough to attempt repairing it. Counseling aimed at Clarity and Discernment, unlike Marriage or Couples Therapy, does not attempt to change the relationship or intervene in negative patterns of interaction. Instead, Clarity Styled Counseling provides structure and a safe place for the partners to have their opinions and feelings about the history and present status of the relationship be heard and sorted out. Some couples who go through this process opt to enter Marriage/Couples therapy in order to save the relationship, others do not and find the experience to be a useful foundation for a less damaging break up.